When I reflect on the last year of my life, I feel that the amount of growth that I’ve experienced as a woman is nearly immeasurable. Looking back on my struggles with depression, addiction and some of the choices that I’ve made in the past, I have moved into a place where I feel proud of myself for who I have become and how I have grown. I feel that I have made positive choices for myself and the people in my life within the last twelve months that I would never have had the strength to make prior.
Last week I was feeling overwhelmed and downright disheartened. I had a few experiences that bruised my fragile ego and I was looking at everything through, excuse the term, but shit-coloured glasses. Everything was tainted with a slight touch of negativity. But then, as it always does, the universe sent me an eye opener and I gladly accepted it.
It’s time to continue growing.
I feel like I’m at a point in my life where I want to be a positive light in the lives of those I touch. I’ve hurt people in the past; I’ve hurt people so deeply that to this day they can’t see me without becoming deeply angry. I own that. And I know that you can’t please everyone all of the time. I know that my battles are far from won just yet. What I want is to focus my energy on bringing joy to those who I touch. And what’s more, I want to reach out specifically to those who are hurting. I want to offer companionship and safety to those who need it most. And that’s why I want to start volunteering some of my time in 2014 to marginalized women who suffer from addictions and trauma. I’ve begun looking into how I can offer my time and whatever else I have in order to brighten the lives of some of the people who need it the most.
I suddenly realize that I’ve been on this path for quite some time, I just never really heard it calling when it did. It feels like, for the first time in a long time, I have started truly listening.
Growth, I think, comes fastest when a person starts focusing on giving. That’s what I want to do and who I want to be. I want to give myself fully to those who are often forgotten.